God of This City

It's amazing how God moves. This past weekend was an incredibly shortened version of Passion 2007, which was absolutely awesome. Definitely an experience I'll never forget. And as much as I thought this year could be forgettable, it won't be. That'll teach me to limit the Holy Spirit.

Over the past couple of weeks I've really been struggling. My joy in the Lord had gone through a, well, weak phase. I'd fallen into a routine of doing "Christian" things. I'd read my Bible, or go to chapel, or sing... but it wasn't a passion that was burning in me. I missed that uncontrollable fire, that all-consuming desire to know God more and to worship Him on a deeper, more intimate level. On top of that, I got distracted by--you guessed it-- a boy (can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, apparently). Don't get me wrong; if anything, by being friends with this boy, I've had to reexamine much of what I've believed in my whole life, because he challenges me to think beyond what I've been taught. But instead of thinking much about God, I've been thinking about him.

Last week, I was presented with the most troubling question for my DCM class. "Who are you?" To be honest, I couldn't figure that out. I've been taught my entire life that I have no identity outside of Christ, that His child is who I am and all I need to be. And for a while, that was okay with me (and for the record, it still is). But I wanted to know who I really am, taking Christ out of the equation.

I saw that this weekend. I'm different. I'm a radical, because I believe in something higher and better than I am. I've been changed by the blood of the Lamb. I'm a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. The songs spoke to me-- Jesus makes all things glorious, and He remade me. So that makes me glorious. I want to be different. I don't want to have an identity away from Christ, because He is my life-giver. I want to forever be known as His child.

You want to know what I am, taking Christ out of the equation? I'm nothing. I'm nothing even with Christ in the equation, because He is everything, but His residence in me at least makes me something. But without Him... my life is worthless, meaningless existence. No joy, no love, no compassion, no companionship... absolutely and completely nothing. It's a scary thought for me, being without Christ. Maybe that's why it's a good thing that my identity is so deeply in Him.

And guess what else I learned (I know, as if there could be more after that earth-shattering revelation)? IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME! All of this is not about me. It's not about my new life. It's not about my glory. It's about Him. Everything that I do, everything that I dream, everything that I am is God and God alone. And I can say that, coming out of one of the worst storms of my young life, I'm glad that it's not all about me, because I have failed time and time again (if you need proof, just look at my life the past couple of weeks).

Passion, for me, was a chance to renew what I found last year. I wanted that fire, that (hah!) passion, that desire I had found. Well, I found it. And it was beautiful.